NeoLand
by Yoshi X2
Summary: Neo has done it now! He changed the matrix into a theme park! How will this affect Morpheus' little remaining sanity? Find out this and more! Please R
1. Intorduction Or: Morpheus' Pain

"NeoLand"  
  
A Matrix Fanfic  
  
Morpheus: Now Neo, When the Matrix was first built, there was a man  
born inside. A  
man who could remake the matrix as he saw fit...  
After he died, the oracle prophesised his return...  
  
Neo: You don't mean...  
  
Morpheus: Yes Neo, It's you.  
  
Neo: Alright!!!!!  
  
(Neo runs to the matrix chair thing and gets Tank to jack him in.  
Morpheus follows him. They enter the matrix..)  
  
Morpheus: Neo, What the hell have you done!!??  
  
Neo: You like it?  
  
Neo is standing outside a huge theme park called NeoLand, which seems to  
take up all off the matrix.  
  
Morpheus: Noooooooooooo!!!!  
  
Neo: Good!! Now we need some employees: The Oracle!! The  
Virus Twins!! Agents Jackson, Johnson, Brown, Black, Plum, Whyte  
and Mustard!!! And not forgetting 50 Agent Smiths!!!!  
  
Morpheus: You play too much Cluedo, you know that? Why do you do  
this to me? The machines wont take this lightly.  
  
Jackson: On the contrary, Morpheus the other agents have been  
getting very bored recently.  
  
Neo: Yay!!!!  
  
Morpheus: Why, Why, Why me?  
  
Smith 1: No, Me.  
  
Smith 2: No, Me.  
  
Smith 3: Me!  
  
Morpheus: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!  
  
Smith 4: Me?  
  
Neo: Alright you Smiths, Shut up!! We need to decide on  
jobs for you all..  
  
Oracle: I'll be a fortune teller that sells cookies  
  
Smith 1: Mmmmm. Oh ah, we'll be ride operators  
  
Twin 2: We'll be security guards/safety consultants.  
  
Jackson: Us agents will be entertainers!!  
  
Neo: Right then, it's settled!!! NeoLand is open for  
business.  
  
Morpheus: I do not believe this... 


	2. The Terrible Tall Twin Trouble Tale

The Terrible Tall Twin Trouble Tale  
  
"NeoLand" Chapter 2  
  
Twin 2: No!  
  
Kids: Pleaaaaase  
  
Twin 2: No! You can't get on "The Ultimate Super Mega Hyper Giga  
Death-o-coaster Of Death" unless you're as tall as us, isn't that  
right, One?  
  
(Twin 2 looks beside him and finds that Twin 1 is nowhere to be  
seen...)  
  
Twin 2: One? One? Where are you One?  
  
Twin 1: Look at me, Two!!!  
  
(Twin 1 is riding a on a car ride. Two notices a sign saying "Only suitable for people less than 5 feet tall. Beware of low tunnels." and that Twin 1  
is heading straight for a tunnel.)  
  
Twin 2: One! Look out for the tunnel!!  
  
Twin 1: The what?  
  
Twin 2: The tunnel!  
  
Twin 1: What funnel?  
  
Twin 2: The tunnel! Turn around and look ahead!  
  
Twin 1: What the..!? Ahhhhhhh!  
  
(There is a loud smack as Twin 1 hits the wall above the tunnel. The car  
moves from under him into the tunnel and 1 sinks to the track.)  
  
Twin 1: Well that didn't feel very good...  
  
Twin 2: One! There's a car behind you!!!  
  
Twin 1: OH!! Well it's not gonna get me!  
  
(Twin 1 does the cool ghostly transparency thing a second before the car  
hits him. He begins to realise that this was a bad idea when he falls  
through the track beneath him!!)  
  
Twin 1: Ahhhhhhh!!! Wait I know how to stop falling!!!  
  
(Twin one becomes solid again just before he reaches the ground. His fall  
is broken by an unsuspecting Agent Smith.)  
Smith 59: Gasp.... What is the...purpose...of this creature...that  
is...em...crushing me...? Ackkkkkkk!!  
  
(And with that elegant parting riposte, Smith 59 was deleted.)  
  
Announcer: Ding Dong! We are sad to announce that Smith 59 has  
left this program. All Smiths under that number have been  
promoted!!  
  
Smiths 60-300: Yaaaaay!!! Cookies all round!!  
  
Twin 1: Ouchie!! I'm all sore!!  
  
Twin 2: Up you get mate.  
  
(Twin two helps twin one up. And dusts him off. Twin one then heals  
himself.)  
  
Twin 2: Now One, what have we learned today?  
  
Twin 1: Don't go on kid's rides.  
  
Twin 2: Good. Now I want you to....  
  
Twin 1: Yay!! Look!! Super Fun Happy Ride!!!!  
  
(Twin One runs off and Twin Two falls over in anime style.)  
  
Twin 2: D'oh!!  
  
(Meanwhile, in the chairman's office.)  
  
Morpheus: Neo!! This is madness!!  
  
Neo: Morpheus, will you stop complaining if I make you vice-chairman of  
the park and give you the second-biggest apartment we have?  
  
Morpheus: The question is not "Will I stop Complaining?". The  
question is "How soon can I move in?".  
  
(Neo smiles contentedly to himself and puts the tips of his fingers  
together...)  
  
Neo: Excellent... 


	3. Beauty

Beauty... Or Not  
  
Well I figure I should do a Trinity chapter because a request from a  
reviewer so.... Enjoy!!!!  
  
Beauty...Or Not  
  
(Inside Trinity's apartment. She is reading the latest edition of the  
NeoLand Times. One specific article catches her eye...)  
  
Trinity: Wow!! A beauty contest!! I'm gonna enter that!  
  
(Fast Forward to NeoLand. Outside the Main Event Big Top.)  
  
Trinity: Well, lets see... Who's entering? The Twins? 10 Agent Smiths?  
The Oracle? Morpheus? Ha! I'm guaranteed to win!! And Neo's judging  
it! Yes!  
  
(Inside the tent the contest has begun, the contestants are all  
wearing very...revealing costumes and striking various poses we will  
not discus here... (Yes, even The Agent Smiths!)  
  
Neo: Well, after careful consideration I have chosen a winner!!!  
Now, the top 3 beauties are... (Drum roll)  
  
Trinity: (Clasps hands in Expectation)  
  
Neo: 1st =Morpheus!  
2nd=Twin 1  
3rd=Smith 12  
  
Trinity: (Is In Shock, eyes wide)  
  
Twin 2: What the? Neo, What was I?  
  
Neo: Uh... 10th!  
  
Twin 2: Then why was One first? We're Twins!!!  
  
Neo: Ah, But his bikini is smaller.  
  
Trinity: (wakes Up) Neo where did I come in  
  
Neo: 16th.  
  
Trinity: There were only 15 contestants!!!  
  
Neo: Yes I know.  
  
Trinity: So you think Morpheus, Agent Smith, The Twins and the  
oracle are sexier than me?  
Neo: Yes, of course. Especially Morpheus  
  
Morpheus: Why thank you, Neo  
  
Trinity: Oh, don't think I'll forget this...  
  
Neo: Contest Over!!  
  
(Later, in Neo's office)  
  
Merovingian: Zo, I vas Vinking Zat maybee vee zood hav a French  
theme day, no?  
  
Neo: No  
  
Merovingian: But eet ees cause and effect, Neo. Cause: Vee 'av a  
French day. Effect: Vee breeng een more French tooreests.  
Consequence: More monee for uz, Mon Capitan.  
  
Neo: Correction: for me. But good Idea none the less.... 


	4. Philosophy Equals Nonsense

Philosophy=Nonsense  
  
(Morpheus has turned up for the annual-when-Neo-feels-like-it pointless  
philosophy contest he looks around and sees a lot of people)  
  
Morpheus: Keep calm. I will win if I believe I have won...  
  
Neo: Welcome to the pointless philosophy contest!! Now here to help me  
host are the twins!!!  
  
Twins: Hola!!  
  
Neo: Two would you like to start us off?  
  
Twin 2: Yes. The human philosopher Completus Andutterus Nonsensus  
defines philosophy as allotus crappus and...  
  
Twin 1: (sniggers)  
  
Neo: Okay...I think that's quite enough. On with the contest!! First up,  
Agent Smith! Present your philosophy.  
  
Smith: Certainly, Mr And-er-ssson. Now, the human condition  
is......smelling disgusting........bind us to this reality........think that I, as  
a.........individually suffices.......  
  
(5 hours later)  
  
Smith: ......and thus, that is why purpose is required by all, human or  
machine.  
  
Neo: (wakes up) Oh Bravo! Next up, Agent Jackson.  
  
Jackson: You, the anomaly, should not exist.  
  
Neo: Next, Merovingian.  
  
Merovingian: Cause and effect veel cause all of us to...  
  
Neo: No, Next.  
  
Merovingian: Vhy? I deed not get a chance.  
  
Neo: I don't like your accent. Morpheus, could you please present your  
philosophy?  
  
Morpheus: The question is not: "Will I present my....  
  
Neo: Get on with it.  
  
Morpheus: I know I will win because I believe.  
  
Neo: And finally... Bob, the junkie we pulled of the street.  
  
Bob: Mhmhmhmhmh.... Oh don't rush me giant pink rabbit man.... bleh...  
  
Twins: Ok, Now It's time to announce the winner!!! And the winner is  
.................................................................................................................................................................................................Bob!!!  
  
Morpheus: But? What? Huh? Why?  
  
Neo: Well It was a "pointless" philosophy contest.  
  
(Many Thanks to the Lilac Pilgrim for turning my idea into the comic strip that was the inspiration for this chapter. Next update soon!!! Oh and by the way, if you've be enjoying the series so far, why not join my matrix  
board at: http:s7.invisionfree.com/TheMatrixBoard/) 


	5. Purpose

Purpose  
  
(Who is one of the best characters that I have neglected in this series? That's right. Smith! Now sit back and relax while you read what he/they get  
up to in NeoLand.)  
  
Smith 1: Well my... selfssss ssssseem... to... be doing a good... job... here.  
  
(Smith 1 unknowingly walks into a hall of mirrors)  
  
Smith 1: What... are all of... me... doing ssstanding about... in... here? Hello? Reply!  
  
(Smith taps the glass then goes round the corner to find the wacky mirrors.  
He recoils in horror.)  
  
Smith 1: Obviously my program has become... corrupted...if I  
am...creating... these thingssss. I shall have to fix it.  
  
(Smith leaves. He returns 3 hours later.)  
  
Smith 1: Now, I shall have to.... Reassimilate these thingssss to  
correct this error.  
  
(He transforms all of the mirrors. When he is done he is left with  
moving Smith shaped 3D mirrors. One slips and falls, shattering into  
millions of pieces on the floor.)  
  
Smith 1: It seems I require.... My program to be rewritten...again.  
  
(Smith takes a PDA and sticks a wire from it into his ear. He types  
a series of complicated commands.)  
  
Smith 1: Excellent  
  
(Inside Neo's office. Smith one enters wearing a long cloak.)  
  
Smith 1: Mr Anderson. Surprised to see me?  
  
Neo: No, you made an appointment.  
  
Smith: Oh...(Looks slightly disheartened) Anyway, I have a... surprise  
for you, yes.  
  
(He takes down his hood and throws off his cloak, revealing bright  
pink PVC catsuit, (like what trinity wears) and a pink Afro.  
  
Smith 1: Well Mr Anderson, do you like my new look?  
  
(Neo says nothing, but picks up a box saying, "Use only in case of  
strange program attack". He takes out a small bin with 3 green  
arrows on it.)  
  
Smith 1: No! Not the...?  
  
Neo: Yes. The recycle bin.  
  
(He stuffs Smith into it.)  
  
Smith 1: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.........  
  
(Well I hope you enjoyed it and a ask again. Please Please Please  
register for my matrix forums like it there. Honest.) 


	6. Brotherly Love

Brotherly Love  
  
(Yeah right, as if I'd write about "brotherly love". The title is just an  
excuse for another Twin chapter)  
  
Twin 2: I'm sorry, but NeoLand is shut. We're upgrading.  
  
Kids: Then why did you let all those kids in the back way?  
  
Twin 2: I didn't let... Oh my god, One!!  
  
(1 is letting people in through the back door.)  
  
Twin 2: One, why are you letting people in the park? We're upgrading  
to version  
2.190903494836769889990089 and you know the park has to run on  
minimum memory.  
  
Twin 1: You've actually been keeping count of the versions? Anyway  
they were giving me candy to get in.  
  
Twin 2: Help me get them all out and I'll buy you more candy.  
  
Twin 1: Yayyyyyy!!!  
  
Announcer: NeoLand.exe has performed an illegal operation and must  
be shut down...  
  
Twin 2: Now look what's happened.  
  
(Six Hours Later)  
  
Neo: Well, we're working again but we had to reboot on version 0.5.  
Which means no crazy rides. So I want everyone who ran a ride to help  
fix the errors being reported all over the park  
  
Twin 1: I'll only do it if Two gives me the candy he promised me.  
  
Twin 2: Oh!! Ah...Uh...But...The store was sold out  
  
Twin 1: No! You lie! I saw the store full of candy when we passed it  
coming here! Now I'll teach you to lie to me!!  
  
(Instead of boring you with an endless fight scene, I'll just say  
that Twin 1 leaps on and attempts to...maul 2. Now while this is going  
on we'll fast-forward to the Oracle's fortune-teller's tent.)  
  
Oracle: Now, sweetie, I don't know how to say this, but, sigh, you  
will be a tall dark stranger.  
  
Woman: Don't you mean meet a stranger?  
(Suddenly a Smith pops out from a fold in a curtain.)  
  
Smith 73: No...She knows what she... means...  
  
(Smith transforms the woman.)  
  
Oracle: Want a cookie? They're almost done.  
  
Smith 73: Ohh. Can I...add the...love?  
  
Oracle: Of course you can, hun. But you better leave now, both of  
you.  
  
Smith 731677: Why?  
  
Oracle: The tent is about to go on fire.  
  
Smith 73: Ok  
  
Oracle: I would come with you but after you leave a truck backs up  
over the door strangely enough.  
  
(They leave and everything the oracle said comes true. Other Smiths  
come running up.)  
  
Smith 12: What is happening? Is the Oracle in there?  
  
Smith 73: Yes, she is...  
  
Smith 12: This is... disastrous. We must mount a... rescue.  
  
Smith 14: Yes... the cookies must be saved.  
  
(Now I think the twins have finished their fight so back to them.)  
  
Twin 2: Why did you attempt to gouge my eyes out? They really hurt  
now.  
  
Twin 1: Because you lied.  
  
Twin 2: I didn't.  
  
Twin 1: There! You did it again!  
  
Twin 2:I didn't!  
  
Twin 1: Hold up! First you lied, then you lied about lying, then you  
lied about lying about lying, now before you lie about lying about  
lying about lying abo... Just stop lying! Hey look!! A candyfloss  
stall!  
  
Twin 2: No!  
  
(Within seconds One has cleaned out the whole stall as well as  
stolen from the few passers by that had any candy.)  
  
Twin 2: He's gonna get me deleted one day...  
  
(Well hope you enjoyed the latest episode, and please please please  
please join my forum at board.) 


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